Australian model and actress Ellie Gonsalves has shared a list of 117 reasons she doesn’t want to have children after “years of being asked why.”
Taking to her Instagram Story on Sunday, the 33-year-old uploaded a screen recording of the “very HONEST personal list as to why I will remain child-free”, written in the Notes app of her phone.
“After years of being asked why I don’t want children I compiled this as it always seemed a short reason was never good enough or understood,” Gonsalves wrote alongside the footage.
“So, this is in more detail for those asking. It’s my own PERSONAL thoughts based on a lot of my own experiences or things very honest people have shared with me personally or online. Some people are made to be parents and that is amazing (I am so happy if you are happy!!!!) but that life is just not [for] me.”
Gonsalves was, predictably, met with backlash by some – prompting her to share the list to her Instagram grid, alongside a lengthy response to her critics.
“I had many people saying to me today (out of love) ‘are you sure you want to post this list?’, I have also already received hundreds of dms (direct messages) criticizing me telling me how much of a horrible & broken person that I am,” Gonsalves wrote.
“And while some of those things on my list are satirical, many are serious & factual. Societal pressure when it comes to this topic are (sic) truly questionable & I believe unfair towards those with differing opinions & rarely do we see a voice in support of this … because let’s face it, the public backlash can be too much.”
Gonsalves, who has been with her now-husband Ross Scutts for 15 years, said the question of when they’d have children “is probably the most frequent one I get”.
“I don’t have a problem with input or other people sharing their experiences or feedback, it’s something we have to accept & expect in the world we live in today,” she said.
“However I do have a problem with the way someone either responds or instigates this topic with me or others who might share the same position as I do.
“I have found that unfortunately, most of these responses come from a place that carries no education about my (or someone else’s) personal situation, my life, my desires & my requirements for me to live a happy & healthy life.
“I get it, I understand that’s how that person feels, but I don’t need to accept it & I certainly don’t need to accept the pressure that comes along with a loaded question, coming from someone who is clearly living a different life to me by either wanting children, having children or who has children.”
A growing number of Gen Z and Millennial women have spoken out in recent years about their decision to forego – or delay – having children, citing climate change, the cost of living crisis, and wanting to focus instead on their careers.
Gonsalves added that she “can’t remember a time when I have asked someone if they wanted kids & they have said they don’t want kids & I have responded trying to tell them otherwise”.
“I also can’t ever remember not being happy for a friend or someone who is wanting to get pregnant, who is pregnant or who has kids,” Gonsalves said.
“My position is NOT for everyone, it’s for one person, the person I am talking on behalf of, ME. I have & will ALWAYS be respectful of peoples opinions & decisions that they make for themselves on something that is not hateful or hurtful.”
Gonsalves concluded her message by vowing to stand by women who are child-free by choice – particularly given the time of year, and the increased likelihood of intrusive questioning or offensive remarks at family gatherings.
“I believe I have the right to share my position & be supportive of those who want children, have children or are having children & I am equally going to support someone who doesn’t want to be a parent,” she said.
“I do think it’s unnecessary, often cruel and most times hurtful to make anyone feel less than for choosing something different to this.”
